I think if I ever went into the military, I would have to change my last name to Parts. Daniel Parts. That way, all throughout training my commanding officer would have to refer to me as Private Parts.
“Private Parts! Drop and give me 50!”
“Private Parts! I want to see you in my tent!”
“Private Parts! Put away your private parts!”
Of course, if I worked my way up to Corporal, I’d have to change my last name to Punishment…